Despot with ol' smoky lovin'
The greatest journeys start with the smallest step-- but a peek inside a television guide leads Paul McDermott on the weirdest of journeys without having to switch on his TV set.
Fantasy is popular again on the silver screen with the faithfully reproduced Harry Potter saga and the cinematic epic Fellowship of the ring but sometimes reality is better than fantasy-- and you don't have to turn the TV on.
Im unsure how may lucky readers stumbles across it, but on page 11 of a popular television guide recently were two photographs: one of Adolf HItler (arch-villain of the previous century, despot, mass murdserer and vegetarian) and the other, Tony Bennett (Nevada stalwart, silky-sooth '60s groover and practitioner of that ol' smoky lovin
The snaps of these two diametrically opposed personalities were separated by a scant few columns of text. I scanned one colum and immediately alighted upon the name Hitler. The only trouble was the information about his whereabouts on the page was incorrect. Hitler was top right, but following the directions Hitler (bottom left) you found Tony bennett in full swing.
I'm fortunate enough to kown the physical differences between our two protagonists, but i was concerned about the children. They may grow up with an irrational fear of veiour suits. They may assume theat Vegas cabaret performers invaded Poland en masse in '39. They may search for similarities in the profiles of Sinatra and Goebbles of ponder if Rommell is the missing member of the Desert Rat Pack. Worse still, they may think that HItler dident' look so bad, had a lady killer smile and could carry a tune.
And what of the future? in years to come will Osama bin Laden be confused with Ricky Martin? will Thatcher become Geri Halliwell?
Head -weary and upset, i was about to leave the guide when i caught sight of another name and another world of confusion--Benny Hinn. Whenever i see that name i falter because something in me constantly misreads it. I see it on the page as Hinn, i hear it in my head as Hill. Its then my heart surges in my chest. "Thank God" i cry out loud, someone has had a good sense to put the finest British comedian of all time back on teh telly. But its not Benny Hill , its Benny Hinn.
Prior to Benny, I'd been very critical of TV evangesists but it must be said, he as brought me closer to God than most. Towards th eend of Benny's sermons i've often fallen to my knees and prayed. prayed that Hinn,and hill fashionl will conclude his hyperbolic histrionics by being pursued by scantily clad chicks and buxom wenches across middle America whith his bibile belt around his ankles. Thus far it hasn't happened --does no one hear my prayers? Am i a voice in the wilderness?
So, instead of a night in front of the TV, i've already experienced amazing moments of hight weirdness and havent yet turned on teh set. So if you're after fantasy, dont' flee the confot of your home and journey into the cinema searching for those other worldlly visions--the greatest journeys all begin with one step. The tep may be from the couch to the TV. Turn it on after midnight and witness the freaky world that awaits yoiu.
A world where gutbusters and memory men compete for your attention as your doller dwindles. A world where permanent relationshipsare only a phone call away and where repeats of repeats of repeats in fading black and white can haunt yoy until dawn. Who needs Harry?
* Benny is a Tv evangesist who performs miracles most weekdays around 5am. Watching Benny is like aerobics for the soul.
ps sorry for any mistakes in typing this