Paul Mcdermott is a very nice man......

[dermo]

Though some people might be interested in the follow up....

Hell hath no fury like a fan spurned…

Flaming heck! Readers - please forgive the self-indulgence of my column this week but I know that until I grind this nagging topic into the ground it will haunt me till my last breath.

Some of you may remember that a few weeks ago I filled my allotted space with a small anecdotal piece about meeting an Australian comedian called Paul McDermott. Arguably I laid the pathos on a bit thick and, in hindsight, should have realised that the psychotic tendencies and bouncing hormones of pre (and post) pubescent McDermott fans would be a force to be reckoned with.

Nothing, however, prepared me for the onslaught of emails I received after the article made it’s way onto the information superhighway. To date, my inbox has been violated by no new fewer than 617 emails that can be separated into the following categories:

426 in the "Paul McDermott is a GOD, you are a nobody" category

89 in the "Aww, you probably caught him on an off day" category

42 in the "Yes I met Paul McDermott and he was really rude to me too" category

22 in the "Who is Paul McDermott" category

21 in the "I love Paul and am going to attack you with pointy implements" category

14 in the "Who are you and why do you hate Paul McDermott" category

And finally 3 in the "Hello friend, I am the son of a Nigerian Governor and need your help transferring $45,000,000 into my account" category.

Because of one article I find myself being hated by complete strangers, crossed off Christmas card lists by people I don’t know and the target of much four lettered abuse (some of which had more than four letters in – a lot more). The situation leaves me perplexed and just a bit scared that these people now have me caught in the sights of their semi-automatics.

But what makes these people act with such dizzy excitement? Is it a chemical imbalance? Will scientists find out that this behaviour is inherent in their DNA? Is it the same gene, maybe, that makes a person suddenly want to fill their house with Barry Manilow knick-knacks? Or start feeling that their life isn’t complete without that all-important Westlife hair trimmer and pet stain remover?

The unconditional love a fan has for their idol is sacred. I’ve been there; I have a Wham T-shirt. When I was 13 I read an article in a national newspaper condemning the musical efforts of a favourite band of mine. I was so angry I wrote a letter to the editor (oh yes my friends, I was your average angry teen with a Basildon Bond watermarked stationary set), it got published and I was a source of ridicule for family and friends for years.

Hard core fans are a curious bunch, they protect their chosen ‘star’ with the same fervent ferociousness as a mother lion protecting her young. They lash out and growl if you dare come at them with even a hint of a derogatory remark. They camp on doorsteps, make birthday cards with the words, ‘I love you’ written a million times inside. They follow groups to hotels and spend a fortune pursuing their idols around the country or world.

On the flip side you have the frightening world of the stalkers, the scary and unkempt fans who lurk about in dark crevices. Or the ones who show their undying love for a star by shooting them in the face – after all nothing says I love you like a stab wound to the pancreas. My mind asks me, "If this is what they do to the people they love, what would they do to somebody who held them up to some sort of derision?"


So in an act of fearful rapprochement and just in case this hitches its way back onto that Information Superhighway. I have decided to end my article with an open letter to Paul McDermott fans everywhere.

Dear fans of the ethereal Paul McDermott

I cannot stress enough that there are no words in existence that would adequately express the love I have for this wonderful performer. He is the man responsible for my career in writing and comedy and an inspiration to true artists everywhere. He is the most charming of men, the most talented of virtuosos and the most humbling of human beings. Long may his career continue and bring joy and happiness to those who seek pleasure from him.

Please will you now stop sending me graphic depictions of what you will do to my lower bowel should we ever meet.

Regards

Nicko

[Alisso]

You poor, poor thing *giggles* The psychopathic fans are terrifying *G* I've met a few over the years *g*

I have to admit, I would still count myself as an admirer of Paul's. I've calmed down a lot from the early years of "fandom", but I still like his work and admire his abilities.

But that doesn't mean I won't slag him off when I think he deserves it *eg* Perhaps that's what divides the intelligent fan from the mindless rabble, the ability to recognise when your idol is being a fuckwit *G*

Or perhaps it's just that MOSHers have learnt from Mikey to pick on Paul *eg*

[aussiechica]

lol lol you had a Wham T-shirt thats hilarious lol

.... oh and the rest of it is pretty funny too :thumbs-u: nice stuff

[Boof]

hey dermo - funny article mate - very amusing

what was the horrible article you wrote in the first place?? was it really that bad?



boof

[dermo]

this is the original article that sparked all the fuss....

Highlights, lowlights and lessons learned at this years Fringe.

It's over. Edinburgh is quiet. All I can hear now are the ghostly sounds of laugher passed and my kidneys weak and feeble attempts to cry for help.

There were highlights; these included Flight of the Conchords, the wondrous Spinning Wheel, Ed Byrne and Brendon Burns swapping sets. The hilariously rude staff at the Buffet King restaurant, the spontaneous busking comedy show and the many nights spent in and out of the Spiegeltent eating the best damned paninis in the world.

But it wasn't all beer and skittles, there were low points. The time I realised Late 'n' Live had lost it's soul, the time Pleasance Dome ran out of Phish stick ice cream lollypops and the time I learned that it's true what they say, you should NEVER meet your idols.

Having seen Paul McDermott's GUD a few times (both business and pleasure) and having dragged quite a few people along with me; I thought I'd take a few moments to say how much I had enjoyed the show. It had been 10 years since I saw P.McDiddy perform on stage, so this Edinburgh was a real treat. I had expressed my congratulations to many people at the festival and had been given the customary "Thank you, that's very kind of you" remarks that one comes to expect from performers at the Fringe, but nothing prepared me for the reaction I got from the great cummerbunded one that night.

I wasn't expecting much, just a quick hello, great show and away. There were no delusions of drinking beers, swapping numbers and becoming life long buddies. But after the hospitality and generosity shown to me by the organisers of the spinning wheel I thought that maybe all Australians where this gracious. Sadly I was wrong and my conversation with Paul went something like this:

'Hi'.
'Hi'.
'Before I go, I just wanted to tell you how much I really enjoyed your show this festival'.
'Hmm, well you've seen it enough times'.
'…'

I was stumped. I hadn't expected a show of gratitude from this famed curmudgeonly performer but it started to feel like I was a naughty child being scolded for watching too many teletubby re-runs. I stood there not really knowing what to say next, should I apologise for seeing the show? Should I come back with a cutting retort of how lucky he was that I brought so many people seeing as audience numbers were a bit thin on the ground? Should I shout an expletive and run away?

What I actually decided to do was stand there looking a bit confused and retarded. I offered up an explanation as to why I had seen the show so many times and got a, 'like I'm going to believe that', look. My vigorous protests of innocence seemed only to serve as a giant JCB, digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole. One of the staff members asked him if he was ok, pointing at me with an eyebrow and giving me that look usually reserved for stalkers and crazy people at tube stations. He gave a kind of half smile that was probably code for 'Can security please remove this scary lady from my path'. Was I now some kind of psycho fan? I turned to walk away and headed straight for a wall. Dignity gone.

On my way to the car I started playing the conversation over and over again and I became more and more introspective. Maybe if I were younger, prettier, slimmer the conversation would have altered. Maybe if I reminded him that for 4 years I took over his information service in the UK when his promotions company couldn't be bothered to do it. Maybe if I gave him one of my CD's to show that I too was a performer. Maybe if I nailed myself to that heavy wooden cross on his back things would have turned out differently.

Those who know me also know that ritual humiliation is a staple of my life, but nothing feels as pernicious as being put down by somebody whom you hold in such high esteem. The recollection of that evening will now serve only to keep company the memory of that time Harry Enfield called me a wanker.

Although the incident has left me deflated, I will continue to see Paul McDermott because it's rare to find a performer with such high levels of aplomb; and I'll still recommend this lascivious musical comedy extravaganza to all and sundry. But from now on I'll be sitting in the back, in the dark, trying my hardest not to laugh too loudly and remembering, above all else, not to compliment the performers afterwards.

[Goldilocks]

Originally Posted by Alisso

You poor, poor thing

Ditto. It's hard when anyone treats you like that, let alone someone of whom you have esteem for. He was probably having a bad night or rather time at the festival? GUD didn't go down too well? He's having a mid-life crisis?

I don't think you should take it personally though (probably easier said than done), but truly the incident isn't a reflection of who you are but of who they are. Nobody can tell you you're a bad seed unless they themselves have done bad/worse stuff or that way minded (ie seeing only the negative in people/things). You had good intentions and that's all that matters. Life is too short for it to be hinged on one second.

Good pieces of writing though.

[Sugarbabe]

Originally Posted by dermo

Although the incident has left me deflated, I will continue to see Paul McDermott because it's rare to find a performer with such high levels of aplomb; and I'll still recommend this lascivious musical comedy extravaganza to all and sundry. But from now on I'll be sitting in the back, in the dark, trying my hardest not to laugh too loudly and remembering, above all else, not to compliment the performers afterwards.

I had a similar-ish thing happen to me & I feel the same way too...it's a bit sad really ...
well no it's not, I'm not 16 anymore...I'm cured of my beatles syndrome

[dermo]

thank you.. :o)

The problem I have is that the article is based very loosely on what actually happened, people who read my column, and know what I am like, took it for what it was......a kind of a send up. Unfortunately the people who got to see it on my site(and subsequently started a war on my message board haha) glossed over that and just saw portraying Paul as some kind of monster.

The truth is Paul really is a nice guy....but with a deadline looming, and this happening at the last night of the festival, I just went with it.

[aussiechica]

okay, so performers (Nicko this means you!) - how do you feel when punters come up to you afterwards and say good/crap show? Bc (not to side with McDermott he deserves a slap from your mother for the way he treated you) I can see how it could possibly get annoying for a performer - I mean, he prolly couldve guessed it was a good show from the laughter or a crap show from the bottles getting hurled at his head, so he was prolly trying to discourage conversation bc it took up valuable drinking time, which explains (not excuses) his actions.

So, as a performer, what do you think were McDermotts motivations and how do all you performers cope with fan (or even drunken agressive non-fan) feedback?

[dermo]

haha I say, "thank you that;s very kind of you"..again the article wasn't so much concerned with wanting a conversation, as I mentioned, I had already had the customary "good show, thank you, that's very kind of you" remarks from all the other performers and expected no less from Paul.

It was the fact I was stumped by his reply...got me from left field.. hahah

[aussiechica]

Ps- this was on your msg board- it just cracked me up:

I'd take Paul McDermott over any of you guys ANYTIME! he's a f*cking GOD, he sings, paints, writes, acts and is a fantastic debater!!!

I just like the debater bit

[aussiechica]

It was the fact I was stumped by his reply...got me from left field.. hahah

yeah, I reckon it was a bit out of nowhere- still, thats paul mcdermott for ya

[Munchkin]

So how many times did you see it?

[dermo]

haha yes, well the "my money is on Paul because he's perfection in skin *sigh*" comment on there always creeps us out.

Put the lotion on the skin then put it in the basket...

I was reviewing shows at the festival and one of the publications set me a list of tasks which included playing the bagpipes, wearing a kilt and seeing a show 20 times, I saw the GUD show 12 times and negotiated with the guys at the magazine that catching them at Late n Live and The spinning wheel count..not sure I made 20, I lost count and got past caring half way through!

[Alisso]

Originally Posted by dermo

haha yes, well the "my money is on Paul because he's perfection in skin *sigh*" comment on there always creeps us out.

Put the lotion on the skin then put it in the basket...

That's nothing, you haven't met the Evil Librarian

The epitome of the fucked up fan.

Originally Posted by dermo

I was reviewing shows at the festival and one of the publications set me a list of tasks which included playing the bagpipes, wearing a kilt and seeing a show 20 times, I saw the GUD show 12 times and negotiated with the guys at the magazine that catching them at Late n Live and The spinning wheel count..not sure I made 20, I lost count and got past caring half way through!

*pmsl* If you tried to explain THAT to Paul, I'm not surprised you got a weird look *G*