Paul McDermott Articles/Reviews

[smooth]

Ok, I SO want to know what drugs that man is on and more importantly, where I can get some  

[quiescence]

ROFL that's beautiful ...

raises a lot of questions though .. I mean if it's meant to be a true account of an interview between Jessica Rowe and God then how did Paul find out what had happened?

and a God with anger management issues ... that sounds awfully familiar to me .. I think he's trying to tell us something we already know ROFL

[wannabepixies]

[quote:post_uid0="Paddlefoot on Dec. 20 2001 at 22:36"]Is anyone else having trouble getting a copy!? All the shops Ive been to dont have it out yet!! I dont understand!!! Please help![/quote:post_uid0]
if you are still having trouble getting it i can get it for you, cos its a monthly (hopefully...i think) my newsagency as a few copies left, so if either your shops are lazy or dont get it in i could get one for you? you can email me if you like. if that helps at all. the mag is about (god not my memory again...) *winces* $5...i think... and theres a whole lot of things i dont understand like why most people cant get it through their heads that you cant withdraw $10 from a ATM...stupid.

and ive noticed i end a lot of my posts (whole bloody lot of them there are arent there? *g*) with pointless messages.

[baby G]

Right well that made completely no sense to me until i reread the top bit and THEN understood that it was about god. *slaps head* read the fine print.

Very weird and interesting

[VAxwell]

he tricked us... We thought he wasn't 40 because he wasn't tall enough to be fourty...

[pj]

Titled.. Night lost chanelling the banal.

After the last prawns from the barbie have gone and the turkey is stuffed, comedian Paul McDermott looks to the TV to illuminate his festive cheer.

On the last Saturday before Christmas 2001 i stayed at home. I kept the noise of joyous Christmas revellers and drunken partygoers at bay by turning up the volume on the TV. What a night of splendour awaited those who chose the same parth as i.

My evening began as i dipped my toe into the muddy waters of the Orinoco. Animals dominated every channel and yet, there was no sport on. It made me feel proud that although we're killing off a species a day, we'll always have a couple of things to remember these extrordinary creatures by: top-notch nature documentaries.

The night moved into hight gear at 8.30 when Channel 10 screened The Lost World , which i had hoped was a searing political piece about the recent election. My trigger finger became itchy and i began channel surfing like a pro. The first flick flung me into the Griswalds and their European vacation. Understandably, less than a minute later i arrived at The Domain and Channel Seven's excellent coverage of the Carols by candlelight.

Seconds later i was shocked to find something English on the ABC (will wonders never cease). And the cycle begain anew. I continued in this fashion, unable to find satisfaction until Channel 31 featured Goethe's rock collection. Although it was an academic inquiry into the sterling investigations of the oung Hun it had the authentic look and feel of mid-70's porn.

The greatest moment of the evening was reserved for something almost poetic-- Channel seven news presented by Chris Reason. After a year of immense tragedy here was a symbol of hope. A news program that demanded we all C Reason.

Getting back to the ABC-- nothing  can compare with the ABC's Christmas programming last year, where, for several sundays in a row, they showed, around dinner-time , totally inappropriate dinner-time fare. The creme de la creme of which was the intense troupe of veterinary scholars whose singular goal was to milk the precious seminal fluid of a rhino..

I believe this stunt will be replicated with  an unaware celebrity (in th erole of the rhino) on the next series of Surprise, surprise. So, last Christmas, while viewers across the nation held back the need to purge, there must've been  one very smug programmer at the ABC. I've been almost too scard to turn on the station since.

[By Paul aged 5]

And that is the story of a VERY lonely man! ??? I hope someone got him a book or something for Christmas... jeez!

[pj]

im just glad to see his wriging in the paper onec again... ahh the good old days of getting the australian every second week.

[cyborgsnail]

I thought Channel 31 was only broadcast in Melbourne, but I must be wrong. Paul sounds like a lonely person.

[pj]

My cousin use to run the whole station for the sydney one. that was years ago though. its a wierd station ah.

[cyborgsnail]

I love Fishcam (if you don't know it, it's basically footage of a fish tank with music playing in the background). That's the ultimate reality TV!

BTW, did you know that the highest rating tV show in america on Dec. 25 (AKA Christmas) was footage of a burning log with carol music?

[Sam]

Ok, so who's gonna type up the second article, come on own up?  Any Queenslanders out there, I just find a newsagent that sells interstate papers and then I order the bloody thing.

[pj]

Despot with ol' smoky lovin'

The greatest journeys start with the smallest step-- but a peek inside a television guide leads Paul McDermott on the weirdest of journeys without having to switch on his TV set.

Fantasy is popular again on the silver screen with the faithfully reproduced Harry Potter saga and the cinematic epic Fellowship of the ring but sometimes reality is better than fantasy-- and you don't have to turn the TV on.

Im unsure how may lucky readers stumbles across it, but on page 11 of a popular television guide recently were two photographs: one of Adolf HItler (arch-villain of the previous century, despot, mass murdserer and vegetarian) and the other, Tony Bennett (Nevada stalwart, silky-sooth '60s groover and practitioner of that ol' smoky lovin

The snaps of these two diametrically opposed personalities were separated by a scant few columns of text. I scanned one colum and  immediately alighted upon the name Hitler. The only trouble was the information about his whereabouts on the page was incorrect. Hitler was top right, but following the directions Hitler (bottom left) you found Tony bennett in full swing.

I'm fortunate enough to kown the physical differences between our two protagonists, but i was concerned about the children. They may grow up with an irrational fear of veiour suits. They may assume theat Vegas cabaret performers invaded  Poland en masse in '39. They may search for similarities in the profiles of Sinatra and Goebbles of ponder if Rommell is the missing member of the Desert Rat Pack.  Worse still, they may think that HItler dident' look so bad, had a lady killer smile and could carry a tune.
And what of the future? in years to come will Osama bin Laden be confused with Ricky Martin? will Thatcher become Geri Halliwell?

Head -weary and upset, i was about to leave the guide when i caught sight of another name and another world of confusion--Benny Hinn. Whenever i see that name i falter because something in me constantly misreads it. I see  it on the page as Hinn, i hear it in my head as Hill. Its then my heart surges in my chest. "Thank God" i cry out loud, someone has had a good sense to put the finest British comedian of all time back on teh telly. But its not Benny Hill , its Benny Hinn.

Prior to Benny, I'd been very critical of TV evangesists but it must be said, he as brought me closer to God than most. Towards th eend of Benny's sermons i've often fallen to my knees and prayed. prayed that Hinn,and hill  fashionl will conclude his hyperbolic histrionics by being pursued by scantily clad chicks and buxom wenches across middle America whith his bibile belt around his ankles. Thus far it hasn't happened --does no one hear my prayers? Am i a voice in the wilderness?

So, instead of a night in front of the TV, i've already experienced amazing moments of hight weirdness and havent yet turned on teh set. So if you're after fantasy, dont' flee the confot of your home and journey into the cinema searching for those other worldlly visions--the greatest journeys all begin with one step. The tep may be from the couch to the TV. Turn it on after midnight and witness the freaky world that awaits yoiu.

A world where gutbusters and memory men compete for your attention as your doller dwindles. A world where permanent relationshipsare only a phone call away and where repeats of repeats of repeats in fading black and white can haunt yoy until dawn. Who needs Harry?

* Benny is a Tv evangesist who performs miracles most weekdays around 5am. Watching Benny is like aerobics for the soul.


ps sorry for any mistakes in typing this

[Dragonfly Lady]

i read Benny Hinn like that all the time

[sooty]

Thanks for that PJ. hmm is it just me, or does it seem to anyone else that master mcdermott is becoming a bit of a tv junkie... it could it just be that its easy to write about and requires little thought. not saying that i didnt like the article though.